Introduction
Healthy relationships help us to stay physically healthy.
A surprising scientific review by the Brigham Young University team discovered a secret to health. By reviewing studies that involved over 300,000 people, the team found that social isolation was as damaging to health as smoking 15 cigarettes per day!
Laugh with your happy friends when they’re happy; share tears when they’re down. Get along with each other; don’t be stuck-up. Make friends with nobodies; don’t be the great somebody. Romans 12:14–16 (MSG)
Healthy relationships actually help us to stay physically healthy. And it’s healthy communication that builds healthy relationships!
Here are four tips that will help you become a better communicator.
Value Yourself, Then You'll Know How To Communicate Value To Others
You’re fearfully and wonderfully made. You’re a child of the King. You’re precious in God’s sight.
We were designed for close relationships—with God and each other—yet many times our friendships stay shallow. One major reason is self-consciousness.
Self-consciousness causes people to feel unlikeable. They believe others will reject them if they really get to know them, so they hold people at arm’s length. If a friend is unhappy, they pull away, assuming they did something wrong. Because they wait for friends to come to them instead of reaching out, they find it difficult to form new relationships.
You need to know what God thinks of you. You’re fearfully and wonderfully made. You’re a child of the King. You’re precious in God’s sight. He has great plans for you! Out of that knowledge, you can smile and be friendly no matter how you feel.
Proverbs 18:24 (NKJV) says, “A man who has friends must himself be friendly.” Get in the habit of extending friendliness and remain open. Refuse to take things personally. Ask questions if something comes between you and a friend. You’ll find that your friendships will become closer.
Jesus commissions us to love our neighbours as we love ourselves. In other words, we need to value others the same way we value ourselves. If we don’t value ourselves or we assume that we have to earn our value through our behaviour, it’s impossible for us to value others in the same unconditional way that God values us.
And the second is like it: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Matthew 22:39 (NKJV)
The truth is, you have infinite value, not because of what you do, how you look, how much money you make, who you know or how good you are. You’re valuable simply because God made you! The more you recognize this value, the more you’ll be empowered to love and value others—just as they are.
Always Be Honest, But Don't Attack Someone's Character
The truth spoken in love doesn’t attack people’s character; its motive is to strengthen the person and the relationship.
We all want relationships that are supportive, strong, happy and fun. We want people around us who we can trust and who trust us. Friends who can have a good time, but are also willing to help us up when we fail and lend a shoulder when we need someone to lean on.
Healthy relationships can only develop between two people who are willing to communicate how they feel. However, be careful to do it the right way. In healthy confrontation, the truth is spoken with love.
Jesus spoke the truth but never maliciously. In Matthew 16:23, Jesus confronted Peter when he attempted to stand in the way of Jesus’ calling, saying “Get behind Me, Satan!” His motive wasn’t to hurt Peter, but help him. Peter wasn’t thinking straight and without confrontation he would’ve continued to go in the wrong direction.
Criticism rips people apart with the intention of bringing them down. It often turns into a debate about who’s right and who’s wrong. The truth spoken in love doesn’t attack people’s character; its motive is to strengthen the person and the relationship. Practice the ability to share how you feel while showing respect for the other person’s feelings so that you both gain a greater understanding of each other.
It’s great to be a cheerleader, but don’t forget that your friends need honesty as well. When they share their problems and conflicts, keep in mind that you’re only hearing part of the story. Don’t just jump on their bandwagon—usually there is an element of exaggeration to the story.
It can be difficult to say things that you know will sting, but sometimes they need to be said. Most will accept sound advice if they can see that you honestly have their best interests in mind.
Deal With Conflict, Even if it Makes You Uncomfortable
In a close friendship, we have an obligation to speak into each other’s lives.
To develop strong relationships, be willing to talk about the issues that stand between you. Those who refuse to deal with conflict only develop superficial relationships or a series of short-term relationships that drift apart at the first sign of conflict. Others dance around each other’s hot buttons and are careful not to rock the boat. Really strong friendships can only form between people who are willing to speak the truth.
Even though it is uncomfortable, be willing to accept the truth. According to Proverbs 9:8 (NLT), those who accept correction are wise. It says “don’t bother correcting mockers; they will only hate you.
But correct the wise, and they will love you.” We all have blind spots: problems in our life that we don’t see. When we have strong, healthy relationships, we can count on those around us to point out what we don’t notice.
“Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.” Proverbs 27:6 (NLT)
When you remain open to being confronted with truth, although it may hurt, you’ll be better for it. Great friends develop an ability to coach one another to be the best they can be.
“God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love—like Christ in everything.” Ephesians 4:15 (MSG)
Proverbs 27:17 (NLT) says “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” To develop a close relationship, you need to hand someone the right to speak into your life. Let true friends be honest with you, giving you a healthy push when you need it. They only want to help you to become more successful.
In a close friendship, we have an obligation to speak into each other’s lives. Develop the kind of friendships where you don’t tell each other only what you want to hear, but what you need to hear.
It’s completely unrealistic to think that a picture-perfect relationship is one that never experiences disagreement. Christians are often the worst for this, believing that to be a Christian means turning a blind eye to every conflict, simply hoping and praying that it goes away. God wants us to forgive but He doesn’t tell us to avoid confrontation. Refusing to talk about problems is destructive both to you and the person you fail to confront.
Accept That Others May Have Different Opinions and Perspectives
When you’re tempted to butt heads with someone you love over a differing of opinions, remember what unites you.
One of the biggest issues we struggle with in our relationships is the problem of differing opinions. When we come face-to-face with an opinion that’s different than ours, often we try to change it. We can tend to grind people down until they agree with our point of view. However, when we don’t respect someone’s perspective or seek to understand their point of view, we make them feel like they don’t matter.
According to Ephesians 4:3, our goal in life is not to have everyone adopt all of our opinions. It says that our goal is to be in unity of spirit, not opinion.
“Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.” Ephesians 4:3 (NLT)
It’s not important that everyone agrees with what you think. For example, your spouse may have a different opinion about how to discipline your children. That’s okay; after plenty of discussion, you’ll reach a compromise. What unites you is that you both want the same thing: great kids who love God with all their heart. You’re also united by your faith in God. In fact, your relationship with God empowers you to love and understand your kids and your spouse.
Without God, you’re limited to merely your own abilities. When you’re tempted to butt heads with someone you love over differing opinions, remember what unites you. What matters is that you are united on the things that really count.
