Introduction
Every family has a culture... whether it’s intentional or not.
The word culture is one we hear a lot. It’s easy to talk about the culture of a country or business, but what we often fail to realize is that every family has a culture too—one that is developed either intentionally or by default.
A culture that develops by default rarely works well. Maybe you’ve worked for a company like this—one with no sense of purpose, vision or drive. On the other hand, when a company has a culture that furthers success, it’s easy to identify. But what does great culture look like at home?
Before we dive into answering that question, let’s identify what the Bible has to say about culture in general. In Genesis 1:28, God gave mankind the tasks of filling, subduing, and ruling over the earth. We call this our cultural mandate, and it applies to every area of life. It means we’re commissioned to be creative and innovative. We’re to cultivate, grow and manage well in business, in politics, in education, in the arts, in technology, in how we take care of the environment, in relationships, and in our families.
Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” Genesis 1:28 (NKJV)
I just want you to think about this one thing. God has commissioned each of us to continually grow and develop our skills in every area of life, including our families.
When I mention the culture of your family, I’m talking about the common beliefs you share as a family, expressed through speech and action for all to see. It’s an important topic because, as Proverbs 22:6 teaches, what we teach our children continues to impact them long after we are gone.
Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it. Proverbs 22:6 (NLT)
So...what does great family culture look like? It’s a culture that works, and it’s one that’s based on the principles in God’s Word. Let’s cover six beliefs and practices you can implement in your family to take it to the next level.
Trust and Rely on God
It’s important for parents to show their kids how to trust and rely on God.
In a great family culture, we as parents need to demonstrate a trust and reliance on God first. For example, we can demonstrate to our kids that we turn to God’s Word for comfort and strength, not abusing substances or food. We can show them how to rely on their Father God and Holy Spirit’s power inside them for joy, peace, strength and the ability to love others well.
Even if we were raised in a destructive family culture where this wasn’t the case, John 8:32 says, “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (NLT). God’s Word can set you free from any negative family culture habits you’ve picked up in the past.
Now, if you didn’t grow up with a great family example, don’t be discouraged. Our God is the God of the fatherless—whether you grew up with no good parental examples at all, or if you just lacked direction in a few areas.
Maybe your dad was great at finances, but he didn’t know how to show you love. God will meet you there. Maybe your mom loved you dearly but worry permeated her life. You aren’t destined to live a life of worry. God will meet you there.
God is the God of every “fatherless” area of your life, helping you learn and grow in His Word in the areas where your parents lacked. And if you’re a parent, you can pray over your children and say, “Father, thank you that I can trust you to bring the right people across my children’s paths to teach them the things I’ve missed!”
The bottom line is that every individual needs a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. This is crucial. As families, we need to teach our kids that they are responsible to renew their own minds, not just rely on what we say or their favourite pastor says.
Each of us needs to develop a personal relationship with our Father God, trusting in God’s Word and Holy Spirit as our teacher. As we saturate ourselves with God’s Word, it will have a profound effect on our lives!
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31 (NLT)
Going to God for strength and comfort is a key aspect to a winning family culture. It is vital that we train up our kids in the ways they should go. We need a strong culture of faith at home!
Give Generously
Each belief we hold has an accompanying consequence, negative or positive.
It’s vital that we as parents make every effort to deal with our misbeliefs by renewing our minds in God’s Word.
Please don’t misunderstand me, I’m not saying that every problem a child has is because their parents failed to deal with a misbelief. We must take responsibility for our own choices. However, as parents who want to do the best we can for our kids, it’s important to recognize the power of our beliefs.
For example, maybe you were raised in a home where money was a big issue. If you wanted a new pair of shoes, you were told, “Money doesn’t grow on trees!” If you were shamed whenever you presented a desire, the culture of your home was one of a poverty-mindset.
And you shall remember the Lord your God, for it is He who gives you power to get wealth. Deuteronomy 8:18 (NKJV)
Now you might say, “Well, money was scarce.” The thing is, both those with a lot of money and those without can foster a poverty mentality. It’s not about how much you have. We need to intentionally cultivate a culture of prosperity in our thoughts, speech and actions, because prosperity is something God has promised us.
In a culture of prosperity, even when money is short, the response isn’t to shame the want or need. Within reason of course, we can respond, “Let’s claim God’s promise of prosperity over this situation and believe that He’s given us the power to gain the funds we need!”
When we are poverty-minded and always focused on our lack, it’s difficult to be joyful givers. However, some of the most generous people I know were generous even when they had barely enough to get by. They may have been generous with their time or with what little they had, but all the while they maintained a faith in God’s promises of prosperity, believing that He had given them the ability to find their way out of poverty.
Give freely and become more wealthy; be stingy and lose everything. The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed. Proverbs 11:24-25 (NLT)
Some people are raised with the idea that having money is evil. The trouble is, if we subscribe to this belief, we will raise kids who will never prosper, or who feel guilty when they do. The hard truth is that we pass on many of our beliefs to our kids.
If the culture of our home is one that believes God wants us to suffer and that he delights in our lack, our kids grow up thinking God is stingy and mean. Instead, we need to foster a culture that believes God is good; He’s an infinitely generous God who loves us! Then we will become more loving and generous like Him.
Have Confidence in God's Plan
God is not vindictive and judgmental.
One of the best things we can do for our kids is raise them in a loving, biblically-based culture at home. Unfortunately, sometimes we miss the mark on this because we’re holding on to false beliefs.
Some of these misbeliefs come from religious teaching, including legalistic Christianity. For example, some of us have been taught that if something bad happens to us, there’s a purpose for it. The trouble is, when we carry this belief forward, it just doesn’t make sense. What possible purpose could justify the abuse of innocent little children or catastrophic natural disasters?
Imagine if we as parents took this approach. They would lock you up, and for good reason, if you drove close to a tree on purpose to break your five-year-old’s arm because you wanted to teach him not to put his arm out the window. Yet that’s the way many of us see God.
When we see God like that, we begin to live like that—vindictive and judgmental. We end up feeling like we have the right to judge others, and this is not the kind of culture we want to create in our families.
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV)
The truth is that God is good, but we live in a fallen world. Sickness, disease and tragedy affect us all, but we need to fight to maintain a belief in God’s promises in the midst of it all. The Bible teaches this concept beautifully, so to develop a strong, Bible-based family culture, be sure to study and meditate on verses like Jeremiah 29:11. God’s plans for us are all good!
Know Who You Are In Christ
What beliefs govern the culture of your family?
What are the beliefs you hold about God and the devil? You see, these are two of the most powerful beliefs that govern the culture of your family.
For example, if you’ve picked up the belief that the devil is to be feared, that will affect the culture of your home. Some speak about Satan as though he’s almost as powerful as God—that you can never be sure who is going to win: God or the devil. These beliefs are skewed, and they cause people to walk in fear.
In this way, he disarmed the spiritual rulers and authorities. He shamed them publicly by his victory over them on the cross. Colossians 2:15 (NLT)
How do we ensure that we are teaching the correct beliefs about God in our homes? By renewing our minds in God’s Word! The reason the Bible is so powerful is that when you begin to immerse yourself in it, you begin to believe what God says. You come to understand more about who He is and how much He loves you. That He is a good God who is never going to hurt you, and how best to handle marriage, family, health and every other area of life.
The more you understand who God is and who you are in Christ, the better equipped you are to pass those beliefs on to the next generation!
Be a Student of God's Word
By studying God’s Word, you will develop the right beliefs.
As parents and grandparents, we want to help our families. The greatest thing we can ever do to help them is to renew our minds in the Word to deal with our own misbeliefs. That way, we can help to develop a solid, biblical belief system (or culture) in our families—one that leads to the best results!
I grew up with parents who modelled a commitment to studying the Word of God. Because of their example, I developed the same daily habit. I learned to love it—to love absorbing its truth and allowing it to permeate my heart.
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. Romans 12:2 (NKJV)
What you believe always affects the choices you make, and the consequences of those choices are real. If you don’t believe that it’s dangerous to play on the freeway, that belief will eventually hurt you. If you don’t believe in gravity, that belief will catch up to you. You’ll make poor decisions that put you in harm’s way because you don’t realize the truth.
When it comes to developing the right beliefs, nothing is better than studying God’s Word. You may not love doing devotions at first, but never underestimate the impact of slow growth in the Word! Then, help your family to develop the habit.
One of the best ways to do this is through modelling. If your kids are still at home, let them see you doing devotions. Talk about what you’re learning and share it with passion. Look for ways to do devotions with them or to reward them for reading devotionals.
A love for God’s Word is a fantastic family culture to cultivate!
Teach Through Action
The culture of your home is developed through both words and actions.
Does what you say you believe line up with how you live your life at home?
Kids pick up on what we do more than what we say. If we say that we treasure our spouses and the other members of our family, we can’t be calling down or complaining about each other at every turn. We need to make sure that our actions line up with the culture we’re trying to create.
My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth. 1 John 3:18 (NKJV)
Kids have the uncanny ability to see when we’re being inconsistent. We might talk like we’re overcomers who trust in God’s promises, but our kids will know if we freeze in fear or run them to the emergency room in a panic every time they get a little sniffle. If we say we trust in God, but we freak out every time something breaks down because we’re afraid we can’t afford to fix it, our kids will pick up on it. Instead of cultivating faith, we’ll be cultivating fear.
The good news is you as a believer can live out a culture that is based on the truth of God’s Word and His promises. First, by renewing your mind in God’s Word, you can begin to replace the misbeliefs you hold, and then you can choose to stand for what is true and right. Holy Spirit is in you, not only revealing this truth to you, but empowering you to live by it!
Keep spending time in God’s Word and continue to put it to practice in your everyday life, and you’ll be sure to build a winning family culture!
