Introduction
Unfortunately, loss is something we will all go through at one time or another. So it's important to know how to handle grief in a way that doesn't keep us stuck in the pain, but helps us eventually heal and find hope again.
In each chapter of this eBook, you'll learn how to process the common questions we ask ourselves when going through grief. You'll see how to resolve these questions through the lens of God's Word and gain wisdom on how to walk through loss and heartache with God at your side, guiding you through.
Can God Heal My Heart?
There are many things to love about God’s Word, but it is especially comforting when dealing with grief.
Unfortunately, we will all deal with the passing of someone precious to us at some point in our lives. And regardless of the circumstances, the pain and heartache of loss are never easy. When we lose someone we love, our hearts go through the same process our bodies do when we lose or damage a limb. The pain is real, and our bodies must go through a lot of work to heal.
It can feel like a piece of our soul has been ripped out. It affects our ability to think straight. We move from tears to laughter and can struggle with bouts of anger, depression, or guilt because our hearts are raw and need healing.
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul...
Psalm 23:1-3 (NKJV)
A helpful Bible chapter to comfort you through challenging seasons is Psalm 23. King David wrote this passage of Scripture when he was still a young shepherd, and it reveals so much about God’s character. Even during times of grief, He knows your needs and can take care of them. Like a good shepherd, God will guide your heart toward peace, comfort, and renewal.
Today, if you’re struggling through a difficult loss, know that God is with you in it (Joshua 1:9, Deuteronomy 31:8). Place your hurting heart in His handsand allow Him to gently heal and restore it.
Why Did This Happen?
The question that often haunts people when someone they love passes away is, “Why?”
It might be why something happened during surgery, why your loved one was in that particular place when an accident happened, or even why God allowed it. The reason asking “why?” is destructive is that it’s a judgement question that always requires a guess for an answer.
For example, if you walked into a room and everyone shook your hand except for one person, you might think, “Why didn’t that person shake my hand?” The second you ask why, a judgemental guess rises up to answer. It might be, “They must think they’re better than me,” or, “They’re mad at me.” Whatever answer you choose is purely speculation because you don’t know their heart and intentions, yet you're judging them as though you do.
So, recognize that “why?” will keep you stuck in a painful area. It’s like having a deep cut on your arm that has scabbed over. Picking that scab off every morning is similar to what happens to our hearts when we obsess about the “why.” It keeps re-injuring a wounded area and never allows it to heal. And healing in any area is a process that takes time.
Be gracious and compassionate to me, O Lord, for I am in trouble; my eye is clouded and weakened by grief, my soul and my body also.
Psalm 31:9 (AMP)
It is possible to release yourself from grief's grip. Start by letting go of the need to answer the "why?" questions that pop up, and start the healing process with God's help. In time, your heart can experience true healing and peace.
Does God Cause Death?
When people are grieving, they often ask, “Did God cause the death of my loved one?” The straightforward answer to this question is no.
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”
John 10:10 (ESV)
In John 10:10, Jesus shared what He came to give us: an incredible physical, mental, and spiritual life beyond what we can imagine.
However, we also have an enemy with evil intentions toward us that are the opposite of God’s. Where the enemy wants to steal relationships, God wants to repair them. Where Satan wants to kill people and destroy their homes and families, God desires to heal and restore them.
Often, people take Ecclesiastes 3:1-2 and say, “Well, the Bible says there’s a time to die, so maybe it was fate.” However, the Bible doesn’t teach us that there’s a set time to die. Ecclesiastes is simply saying everyone who’s born eventually dies. In other words, God does not predetermine the length of our lives, so He is not causing—or allowing—someone’s death.
Speaking of “allow,” let’s talk about that word briefly. If one of your kids fell out of a canoe into a lake, and rescue boats stood by and allowed them to drown, it would add anger and resentment to an already painful loss. The word “allow” paints a brutal picture of someone who could have helped but didn’t, and that’s not how God operates.
Throughout the Scriptures, we find an intensely loving and sacrificial God eager to comfort and lead His people to a “better life than they ever dreamed of” (John 10:10, MSG). Rest in His love today and know that He desires to heal and restore you.
Is God Teaching Me a Lesson?
We’ve been going through some common questions many people have during times of loss. In the last chapter we discussed how God is not causing or allowing the deaths of our loved ones. Now, let's talk about another thought many of us struggle with: the idea that God lets our loved ones die to teach us a lesson.
Nowhere in the Word does it say that God causes or lets a loved one pass away to try to teach another person a lesson. That would be brutal. If someone did that to their family, we would lock them up, yet many of us think God works that way.
Now, we can all learn from everything that happens in life. If we lose somebody precious to us, we can learn how beautiful love is and the importance of relationships. We can appreciate why we should treat each day as special and live wisely (Psalm 90:12).
However, many believers mistakenly take Romans 8:28 out of context and think God has allowed a loved one’s death for the greater good. But again, we don’t find that taught in the Word.
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
Romans 8:28 (NLT)
Paul didn’t say God is the author of heartbreak or that He allows it for a higher purpose. Paul meant that God can see the big picture amid your grief and hurt. Because of that, He can cause everything—including what the enemy has intended for your harm—to work together for your good.
With that perspective, let Romans 8:28 serve as a personal, beautifully encouraging reminder for you today.
How Does God View Death?
God views death differently than we do. Death feels final for us because it hurts not being able to hold, hug, or talk to our loved one anymore.
But a believer who dies does not experience that. You see, death is not a word that means “final” in the Bible. It means “separation” because our souls separate from our physical bodies at death.
It’s like a hand in a glove. When you take off a glove, your hand is still there, as real as ever, because the glove was simply a covering for it. Your body is like a glove for your spirit. When that body stops working, your loved one—with their personality, talents, and sense of humour—continues to exist. In fact, their eyes are immediately opened to a new world filled with the stunning sights, sounds, and joys of Heaven with their Saviour, Jesus.
John 14:1-3 says that Christ has prepared a place for believers in advance. They are safe with Father God, celebrating with friends and family who made Heaven before them!
You see, the reason God views death differently is because of Jesus’ finished work on the cross. Christ paid with His life and rose victorious over sin and death so that we could enjoy right-standing with God.
And Jesus replied, “I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise.”
Luke 23:43 (NLT)
When someone who has accepted what Christ did for them passes away, they never leave God’s sight or presence. They simply move on from their physical “Earth suit” to their Heavenly home, where they get to enjoy forever with Him. Loss always hurts, but a godly perspective can lessen the pain and bring comfort and peace.
Conclusion
If you're going through a loss right now, we pray God's peace, comfort, and strength over you. May you sense His loving presence with you and hang onto the hope you have in Him.
Let's go over the five questions we looked at in this eBook:
- Chapter 1: Can God Heal My Heart? God can and will bring healing to the brokenhearted when we go to Him for help.
- Chapter 2: Why Did This Happen? It's crucial to stay away from asking the question "Why?" when it comes to the loss of a loved one.
- Chapter 3: Does God Cause Death? The enemy wants nothing more than to steal, kill, and destroy. God wants nothing more than to bring you life and hope for the future.
- Chapter 4: Is God Teaching Me a Lesson? There is nowhere in the Bible that says God takes our loved ones to teach us a lesson.
- Chapter 5: How Does God View Death? In the Bible, death is a separation and not a final end. In death we move from our earthly body to God's presence in Heaven.
We hope that the teaching in this eBook has helped you shift your perspective on what God says about loss and has helped you to see His desire is not to bring you harm, but to help and heal your heart in every way.
