Introduction
We all want love, acceptance and significance—and that's not a bad thing! But the source of those essential elements makes all the difference.
In this eBook, you'll learn the danger of accepting counterfeit love and the transformative power of genuine, unconditional love. As you dive into each chapter, you'll discover truths that will change your relationships and help you anchor your heart in God's unwavering love for you.
Don't Fall For Counterfeit Love
Great relationships are built on love. But unless we get our sense of love from the right source, we come to rely on counterfeits. Counterfeit love never satisfies. Instead, it creates toxic relationships and brings pain into our lives.
Where do you get your sense of love and significance? If you believe people love you for your looks, then when your looks start to fade, you'll be in crisis mode. If you think you're loved for your outgoing personality, you'll focus on being the kind of person others expect.
A celebrity can sing for thousands of raving fans, but when she’s alone after the concert, you might find her doing drugs just to get rid of her emptiness. Deep inside, she knows those people don't love her—they love her gift.
And hope will never fail to satisfy our deepest need because the Holy Spirit that was given to us has flooded our hearts with God’s love.
Romans 5:5 (VOICE)
Until you understand where to get your sense of worth, you'll live needy, insecure and vulnerable. The truth is, you're made in the likeness and image of God—and only His love will meet your deepest need for approval and significance. Nothing and no one else can do that for you.
Yet many believers don't feel loved by God. They feel condemned. As they carry this judgemental attitude into their relationships with family and friends, love becomes something to be earned. It grows conditional and toxic.
Over the next few chapters, you'll learn how to bring incredible transformation into your relationships. It starts with believing in God's incredible love for you and experiencing it daily.
Ask Holy Spirit to show you how much you're worth to Him. You'll quickly discover He's pouring love into you constantly!
Love Is a Gift
In the last chapter we saw how searching for significance in anything outside of God results in counterfeit love. Now, let's look at how this affects our relationships.
Everyone wants to be accepted and loved the way they are. But counterfeit love says, "You have to meet my conditions to receive my love." For example, if a child gets praise and special attention only when he does well in sports or gets good grades, he'll grow up believing he's loved only for his achievements. He will quickly become empty and burnt out. Not only that, but he'll begin to judge others by this counterfeit love, waiting for people around him to earn his love as well.
Now, there's nothing wrong with conditions. You still want your kids to clean their rooms or bring the car back on time. But those behaviours should never be attached to your love for them. At the end of the day, love your kids no matter what they do—and make sure they know it.
Love is a gift. It's never earned. When it comes to you and God, you are not loved because of your achievements or good behaviour. He loves you simply as a gift. In fact, Jesus demonstrated the depth of His love long before you did a thing to deserve it.
But God clearly shows and proves His own love for us, by the fact that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 5:8 (AMP)
As you begin to experience His unconditional love, you'll be empowered to love the people in your world the same way. Instead of controlling others to get the love you need, you'll give your relationships the freedom to grow and flourish!
You Don’t Have to Prove Yourself
We've all met people who withhold love from us until they feel we've earned it. But God's love is different. It's not attached to your performance. His approval of you was there before any of your good or bad actions took place.
And suddenly a voice came from heaven, saying, “This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.”
Matthew 3:17 (NKJV)
When Jesus was baptized, God announced, "This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased." At that point, had Jesus done anything to earn God's love? No. Jesus hadn't performed a single miracle, taught a crowd or given up His life yet. But God still declared that He was well pleased with His Son.
I don't know what kind of home you were raised in. Maybe you've been burned by legalistic religion or endured abuse, and you've formed misbeliefs about God's opinion of you. It's time for you to experience His incredible, unconditional love.
How? You have to see His love in His Word. As you get into the Word and learn what He thinks of you, you'll find that God isn't waiting for you to prove yourself. He loves you right now, regardless of anything you've done.
As this love sinks into your heart, it stabilizes your emotions and empowers you to freely pour that same love into other people. Because your deepest need for love is met, now you can bring healing and strength to your relationships.
The key is God's Word. Holy Spirit uses the Word to heal the deepest parts of you. He helps you feel significant, valued and important. From there, you'll be empowered to love others from a place of security—knowing that nothing can touch how valuable you are to God.
Root Yourself in Love
Have you ever seen a huge, mature oak tree? It might sway in powerful storm winds, but its roots go down so deep, nothing can push it down.
What kind of ground are you rooted in? If your roots are in your talents, abilities or people's opinions of you, you're planted in shallow soil. At some point, all of those things will fail you.
May Christ through your faith [actually] dwell (settle down, abide, make His permanent home) in your hearts! May you be rooted deep in love and founded securely on love.
Ephesians 3:17 (AMPC)
Only the love and presence of God gives you security and strength—spiritually, emotionally, physically and relationally. This is the foundation you need for every other relationship in your life.
Take a look at Paul's prayer in Ephesians 3:16-20. Verse 16 (AMPC) says, "May He grant you out of the rich treasury of His glory to be strengthened and reinforced with mighty power in the inner man by the [Holy] Spirit [Himself indwelling your innermost being and personality]."
When you're strengthened in God's love and rooted in what He thinks of you, it heals every emotional wound. You're no longer looking to your spouse, kids or other people to give you a sense of significance. No one else besides God is designed to carry the weight of making you feel good about yourself. Only He can heal you, fill up what's empty inside and give you unshakeable confidence.
Meditate on Ephesians 3:16-20 repeatedly and begin to comprehend the dimensions of God's love. Experience His love for you and let it flood your entire being, building a foundation of strength and stability in your relationships.
Sense His Love
Love can only be experienced when it is believed. This is true of every kind of love—whether it's from God, your spouse or your children.
For example, if a husband is absolutely in love with his wife, but she doesn't believe it, she'll hold him at arm's length. He may bend over backward to demonstrate his love, but she'll always wonder if he has ulterior motives.
The way God speaks His love to us is through His Word—and it's directed at your heart, not your mind. You may know on an intellectual level that God loves you. But until your heart believes it, you will continue to rely on sources of counterfeit love.
On the other hand, the more your heart experiences God's perfect, unconditional love, the more you'll be able to give and receive love in healthy relationships with others.
And [that you may come] to know [practically, through personal experience] the love of Christ... that you may be filled up [throughout your being] to all the fullness of God [so that you may have the richest experience of God’s presence in your lives, completely filled and flooded with God Himself].
Ephesians 3:19 (AMP)
Let this sink into your heart: God has bestowed infinite worth on you. He loved you before you were born and never withdraws His love, no matter what you do. Let this love anchor your heart, and watch as it transforms your relationships with a sense of stability and wholeness.
Conclusion
If you've rooted yourself in counterfeit love for years, it might be hard to believe that God's love is unconditional... that you don't have to do anything to earn it. But that's exactly how His love is. It's never earned, always freely given!
Truly experiencing God's love not only transforms your relationship with Him, but with everyone you come in contact with! Being secure in His love brings new life to your relationships as you pour out love from the overflow you're getting from Him.
Here are some key points from each chapter to help summarize what we covered:
- Chapter 1: Steer clear of counterfeit love and the lies, pain and misbeliefs it brings to your life.
- Chapter 2: When it comes to God's love, it is never earned, but freely given as a beautiful and perfect gift.
- Chapter 3: God's acceptance of you is not reliant on your performance. It predates all of your actions.
- Chapter 4: You need to be rooted in God's love rather than shallow soil. His love is the foundation that provides stability and strength for all your relationships.
- Chapter 5: God's love is an experiential kind of love. There is a transformative power that arises when you anchor yourself in God's love.
As you allow God to show you how much He loves you and come to experience that love in a genuine way... it will free you to love others with no strings attached!
