Introduction
Do you feel completely helpless to better one of your relationships? Maybe you've sought out advice and read all the books you could find, but you just don't know what to do anymore.
I want to talk about a unique power we have as believers—a power that works on relationships.
"Suddenly, the angel was joined by a vast host of others—the armies of heaven—praising God and saying, 'Glory to God in highest heaven, and peace on earth to those with whom God is pleased.'" Luke 2:13-14 (NLT)
According to the Christmas story in Luke 2, the angels sang about peace and favour coming to mankind through what Jesus was going to accomplish. Because of what He did for us on the cross, when you give your life to Christ, there is peace between you and God and His favour rests on you. His ability—His special favour in your life—is there for you. But what many of us often forget is that this power and ability is also there to benefit our relationships.
So many of us function only on our own strength when it comes to our relationships. While it is important to always increase in relationship skills and knowledge, this isn't where our focus should be. If we do, we’re going to hit a wall at some point. We need to become aware of the power we have in Christ.
As you read this eBook, I’d like you to meditate on the fact that God’s favour rests on you. Because you're a believer, you have God’s power and ability within you, and it’s more than sufficient to handle any relationship problems that come your way!
Now, let's break down what it means to tap into that power.
Tap Into God's Power
Under the old agreement before Jesus, people had to perfectly follow a long list of rules to try to earn a type of limited right standing with God. (See Deuteronomy 6:24–25.) But that is not what it’s like now. In order to be in right standing with God, you simply need to give your life to Christ. Then, as a new creation in Christ, you are gifted right standing with God. You have His favour, His presence and His power flowing in and through your life.
“For the sin of this one man, Adam, caused death to rule over many. But even greater is God’s wonderful grace and his gift of righteousness, for all who receive it will live in triumph over sin and death through this one man, Jesus Christ.” Romans 5:17 (NLT)
How does this apply to our relationships? Well, as a believer, you have God’s power and ability available for your relationships every day, no matter what. This power isn’t just there when you behave perfectly or try to earn it. It is always there. His help is available any time you need it.
As you keep reading, I hope this message sinks in. Because out of all the relationship books you can read and all the things you can try, this message of God's favour is the cornerstone of all great relationships.
God’s power and ability is within you to build a great family and amazing friendships! Stop trying to earn it and start believing it. With His power in you, you can create the relationships of your dreams!
Accept Love to Give Love
When it comes to our relationships, we need to learn to walk in God’s blessings—to become aware of His ability flowing through us. And this ability isn’t something we earn through our actions. It isn’t the result of our intelligence either. We simply need to learn to believe for God’s grace—His amazing power and ability that He’s placed within each one of His kids.
“For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to everyone who believes.” Romans 10:4 (NKJV)
The reason why God’s power and ability is within every believer is because Jesus has made us right with God. Romans 10:4 says that Jesus was the end of the law so that there would be righteousness for everyone who believes.
The fact is that as a believer, you are loved, you are significant, and you’re treasured by God. And growing in this knowledge is incredibly important for your relationships.
You see, if you don’t get your need for unconditional love met by your Father God—chances are you’re going to try to get it from your other relationships. You’ll place expectations on your family and friends that are unrealistic and impossible to attain. They'll never love you perfectly enough to replace the need you have to be loved by God.
But if you study God’s Word, you’ll discover that God is pouring out His incredible, unconditional, limitless love on you right now, and He always will. The more you grow in your realization of how loved you are, the more love you'll have to give those around you, and the better your relationships will become.
Know Your Source
In Matthew 6:33, Jesus gives us a key to great relationships. When we seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, all other things (including great relationships) will be given to us as well.
What does it mean to seek first God’s kingdom? Well, as believers, we always need to be conscious of advancing Jesus’ cause in this world. And what does it mean to seek His righteousness? Here is where many relationships struggle. You see, if you aren’t progressively getting more established in the fact that you're right with God, you’re going to search for that feeling of love and significance elsewhere.
"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." Matthew 6:33 (NKJV)
Many people try to get this need for significance filled through their careers. They are drawn to the accolades they get at work, so they work their fingers to the bone trying to reach the next level or achieve the next award. While there's nothing wrong with wanting to succeed, this drive to move up the ladder can become their entire focus leading their life like a carrot before a donkey—even at the expense of their relationships.
On the other hand, the more we seek the significance and righteousness that comes from being loved by God, the more settled we are. Instead of sacrificing everything for our careers in an endless struggle to feel okay, we can feel good about ourselves because of the love we have from God. Then we’re able to prioritize our work, play and relationship time in a healthy way.
The truth is there is nothing you could ever do to make God love you more, or less. He loves and values you just as you are. Keep studying His Word to know it, believe it and establish it deep in your heart.
Rely on God's Grace
Did you know that you already have all the grace you’ll ever need to make your relationships great?
Ephesians 2:8 says that this grace—God’s power, ability and provision—is free and that you access it through faith. You have this grace not because you’ve been good. It’s a gift from God because you believe in Christ.
"For it is by free grace (God’s unmerited favor) that you are saved (delivered from judgment and made partakers of Christ’s salvation) through [your] faith. And this [salvation] is not of yourselves [of your own doing, it came not through your own striving], but it is the gift of God." Ephesians 2:8 (AMPC)
Verse 9 makes it even more clear. This grace is “not the result of what anyone can possibly do, so no one can pride himself in it or take glory to himself” (AMPC).
In fact, all of us have God to thank for every success we’ve ever had, including relationship success. After all, even if we’ve accomplished something because of our own hard work or skills, God made us! We have Him to thank for giving us talents, opportunities and the relationships in our lives.
It’s exhausting to think that your success or relationships are entirely up to you. I understand that we need to put effort in, but we can’t forget that we have God’s grace in us, powering us on and helping us to make great decisions.
Remember that you’re God’s masterpiece. You’re a work of art, equipped with skills, abilities, potential and power. Keep growing in wisdom and knowledge, but also rest in the fact that you have Holy Spirit in you, which means you can access the power you need to make your relationships great!
Establish Your Identity
It’s human nature to stress out and try to fix things all on our own strength. To create great relationships, I’m not saying that we don’t have to put some effort in—a lot of effort. But while we’re working at it, we need to realize that we’re strong in God’s grace, and His presence within us gives us the power to build the best relationships.
“So you, my son, be strong [constantly strengthened] and empowered in the grace that is [to be found only] in Christ Jesus.” 2 Timothy 2:1 (AMP)
How do you know when you’re walking in His grace? When you’re relying on God’s grace, you may be learning, growing and working hard—but you’re not frantic, fearful or anxious. You have a deep sense of peace through it all. You might be working through disagreements, but you stop fighting about things that don’t matter.
You see, many times people fight not because the subject really matters but because they need to be right. If you’re not established in the fact that you're loved, accepted and right with God, you’re looking for that significance elsewhere. Being right makes you feel superior to others, which helps you to feel good about yourself temporarily. The trouble is that you’re damaging your relationships in the process.
If you can’t find peace in a relationship and you seem to be constantly fighting, ask yourself, "Do I always have to be right?"
Instead of making everyone's outward behaviour your main focus, examine what you believe about yourself. Meditate on God's Word and become convinced that His peace, joy and ability are yours in Christ. Believe that you are special, loved and that you are with God, just as you are. The desire to always be right will fade away when your identity is established in Christ.
As you get your heart beliefs right, your relationships will begin to change.
Conclusion
Your heart beliefs affect all of your relationships!
So many times, we look outside of ourselves to try to fix our relationships—often hoping the change will come from the other person. Meanwhile, the first place to start is your own heart, and as a believer, you have God’s grace to help you.
"So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most." Hebrews 4:16 (NLT)
Why not start claiming His promises today? Based on Ephesians 2:8, you could say something like this: “Father, it is by grace my relationships are saved, through faith. This is not because of me; it is a gift from You. Thank You for giving me the wisdom and power I need!”
Notice that you’re not begging God to help you. Instead, you’re claiming the promises He’s already made and you’re thanking Him in advance that you’re going to walk those promises out.
Every day, look into the mirror and declare, “I am righteous because of Jesus. He paid the price for all my sins. And because I’m righteous, I get His grace. I get God’s ability and His favour. So, in Jesus' name, I’m believing for the power of God to flow in my relationships. I’m not going to allow unhappiness, jealousy, anger or low self-worth to flow through me. I’m going to let the presence and peace of God flow through me because I am righteous and loved. God cares about me.”
As you claim this, gradually your heart will begin to change and it will affect all of your relationships. You'll no longer need other people to affirm your identity or make you feel good about yourself. Instead, you’ll get that core need met by God, and you’ll be free to enjoy the people He’s placed in your life!
