ANGER CAN BE A GOOD THING

“Be angry, and do not sin.” Ephesians 4:26 (NKJV)

Now and then, a little tension in a relationship is healthy. In raising five kids, I can tell you that even the closest siblings have disagreements. As annoying as these conflicts can be, I’d rather see them angry with each other than bending over backwards to try to keep each other happy because that’s not real relationship. Relationships need honesty, even if it gets uncomfortable.  

God doesn’t have a problem with anger; He just doesn’t want you to behave inappropriately when you’re angry. Actually, anger can be a good thing in relationships. If someone treats you with disrespect, you need to put up a boundary, and you may even need to communicate it with controlled anger.  

Defending your boundaries is healthy, assuming you aren’t just trying to shut someone down using anger so you can get your way. If you’re unsure what it means to have healthy boundaries, the book Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend is a great resource.  

In your relationships, find healthy ways to communicate how you feel; this provides a consequence for inappropriate actions. If you allow someone to keep crossing your boundaries, you’re enabling them to mistreat you. Over time you may become so beaten down and defeated that you need help to stand up for yourself.  

If people try to cross your boundaries, find a way to tell them! Try to work it out. Get help from a Christian counsellor or friend you can trust if you need it. Be willing to let things get uncomfortable—because it’s worth it for the reward of having great, healthy relationships.